So I thought for our second entry We should get right down to the good stuff. Comparing men to shoes sounds a little bit ridiculous but if you give me a minute I think you’ll totally understand. Now I’m sure you ladies have more than enough shoes, but what you have yet to survey is the amount of ex lovers you have accumulated in your lifespan. Now I am almost one hundred percent sure you didn’t realize that both of these categories and numbers really vibe with each other.
Let’s break it down:
1)Every girl has their favorite pair of Saturday night night heels. Those are the pair that the moment they are eased onto your foot you immediately feel unstoppable, your ass seems higher up, and your legs are toned with every step. But wait…three hours have passed and the back of your heels are bleeding and your hobbling around the club. Your vehemently cursing under your breath, expressing every moment of discomfort and knowing this shit won’t be over until the night is done.
A) I like to compare these shoes to that really gorgeous guy you dated who looked so perfect next to you that you almost thought you guys enhanced each other’s good looks. But after a couple of months no matter how gorgeous he was he was dumber than a box of rocks and you couldn’t get passed the vapid hole that was your relationship. Running for the nearest exit seems to be the only option. Both shoe and man are gorgeous to look at but uncomfortable and dangerous to be around.
2) Now our second pair are those edgy studded combat boots YOU HAD TO HAVE LAST YEAR NO MATTER FUCKING WHAT. These are the pair that every time worn around your parents earn a hearty eye roll and the constant “Did you really think spending that much money on shoes that ridiculous was a good decision?”. You just slap that sly smile on your face and continue about your business with that colossal size chip on your shoulder reaffirming how bad you pissed of your parents off.
B) The boots definitely represent my all time favorite that will never let you down…drum roll please…The Bad Boy. Every girl has a bad boy in their past (hopefully none locked up in their closet, because that would just be weird). This is the guy that every time you would get picked up on your dates and you hopped in the front seat of their supped up sports car (or sometimes on the back of their motorcycle…but that’s another story for another day) your mother and father said an extra little prayer. The boy you smoked pot with on your roof while listening to Led Zeppelin. The guy where anything was possible and nothing was legal. Well every thing has their stay power and yes these guys are a shit ton of fun…but just like them you get older and wiser and figure out that a 25 maybe being with a guy that has more ink on their body than the amount of ink used to write Pride and Prejudice just isn’t cute anymore.
3) Now we come to our handy dandy black ballet flats. They are sensible, comfortable, and match with every outfit in your wardrobe. But the flat just like everything else has their draw backs. Your flats are lack luster, they don’t really make your ass look any tighter or rounder, and to be honest they are just boring. You keep them forever though because they are dependable and are always there to fall back on no matter what your going to wear.
C) We now come to the last ex boyfriend. The guy who always treated you well, was sweet to your mom, and did all the right things. So you ask why did he end up on the taboo list of exes? This guy ended up there because there was no dynamic pop. No fireworks, no passion, just really nothing that made you feel electric. But this is the guy that is still your friend and you still love dearly. The elusive only ex that can be your friend. When you find this guy always keep him in your right corner ladies because like your black flats, you never know when you need them again.
Well ladies and gents, every woman needs their shoes; but more than anything every woman needs their laundry list of men for those lonely weekends that new guys kind of just aren’t around for all the time. And just like your shoe closet you must keep the exes close, well organized, and never let them get dusty.