27

Good afternoon Earthlings! This week two very exciting, historical, and momentous things happened:

1. We got to see a gorgeous Super Moon
2. The 27th anniversary of my birth

The Super Moon actually fell on the evening of my birthday which made turning 27 even more special. As you all know my birthday is obnoxiously stretched out and over celebrated (I wouldn’t have it any other way), but now it’s back to business! I would like to thank all of my friends and family that showered me with love this week. So far this has been the perfect birthday yet! Now that I am a year older and wiser, I thought sticking to tradition would be best. Back by popular demand, I will now share with you all The 27 Feels of Being 27!

1. It is perfectly normal to feel closer to your Tempur-Pedic mattress than your own family.
2. Not getting carded is the worst feeling in all of the world.
3. All night drinking is ALWAYS followed with at least two days in bed(let’s face it, I can’t hang like I used to).
4. The more I think the more it shows up on face (i.e. The 3 deep set creases that now permanently took up residence on my forehead).
5. Just because a swaggy glass bottle is labeled “Green Juice”, does not always mean its healthy.
6. The more people that eat Gluten-Free the happier I am; more rolls for me.
7. Uber is the man made messiah, without it I don’t think I would have made it to 27.
8. Why drink at a bar, when you can drink wine out of a sippy cup in your bed while watching season 3 of The Gilmore Girls.
9. Before you decide to drop everything and trek the globe, make sure you fully explore the state in which you live.
10. When you have been alive for 7 presidency’s you start to think you deserve to get your face chiseled up on Mount Rushmore.
11. Always direct your main focus towards completion, winning usually follows.
12. Coloring Books aren’t just for kids.
13. If you haven’t figured out your signature drink yet, you should probably just stop drinking.
14. If you are 27 and claim to not suffer hangovers, me and the rest of the 27 club know you are a BIG FAT LIAR.
15. Taco Bell at 4am will still fill your belly, but now you also get to wake up with raging heart burn.
16. Gut instincts are your only instincts; all other feelings are distractions to getting the prize.
17. Listen more, and speak less; gaining knowledge is more fulfilling than trampling over someone else’s thoughts.
18. Never let a man (or anyone else for that  matter) treat you like you aren’t special, last time I checked we are all first edition collectors items.
19. Watch more cartoons, simple and innocent laughter will help ground you.
20. Take your time, rushing is the beginning of failure.
21. Liquid Eyeliner is your friend, don’t be afraid of it.
22. Alone time is the most underrated past time in all human kind.
23. Out of all of the shopping there is to do, nothing is more fun than shopping for office supplies.
24. I finally understand that it is healthy to cut your hair once a month.
25. Your parents are still your best friends, and will still always guide you in the right direction.
26. Depend on happiness within yourself, no one can provide peace to your heart but you.
27. I am so lucky and blessed to have lived for 27 years so far. There was a time in my life that I lived like the Rock N’ Roll greats that weren’t able to make it this far. This birthday has always been daunting to me. When you have a wild streak within you mortality is usually  the last thing on your mind. But, I clearly had my fair share of angels on my shoulder because I’m still here today happy and healthy. So, yes I am thrilled to be a member of the 27 club. I just never ever thought I would be here to see this age, and goddammit I’m so happy I thought wrong.

Also today marks 11 years since a dear friend of mine became an angel. Jess we all love and miss you more than you will ever know. I hope and wish you are up in the sky reading this shit and it’s making you laugh…<3