Alexis Lee

“Oh no thanks I don’t really drink beer”, said every girl ever. Now you and I both know that’s a load of shit. Take it from a babe who is never bashful to grab a brew, or two, or seven. Most girls like to pretend that they are watching their Ultra figure, or their CrossFit schedule wont allow for a little backwoods bubbly. The truth is all babe’s dig beer, especially when you are in a party situation where it is the only libation being offered. So let’s get down to brass tacks, the beer a chick selects really says a lot about her personality and what she is all about. When it comes down to it are you sure you wanna get down with a Craft Beer Cutie or a Heineken Hottie. Lets break down a few different beer brands and see what is says exactly about the girl you’re going to take home tonight!

The Budweiser Babe: Budweiser is a classic good default kind of beer…just like the girl who selects it. Your Budweiser Babe probably appreciates Kenny Chesney, getting lost at the Tortuga music festival, and long walks with her Labrador. You can always find her in a cute flannel top tied up to view a probably more than pleasing midriff, paired with the perfect pair of jean shorts.  Budweiser will always be there, and so will she. This girl is most likely just as loyal as the brand of brew she picked. Budweiser Babe’s are also into getting dirty, so if you dig cars, motorcycles, and mudding you may have met your match.

The Craft Beer Cutie: IPA, single malt, triple distilled, white wheat…I mean seriously the options are endless. The Craft Beer Cutie is the kind of girl who digs writing, music, making fun of others, ironic T-Shirts, and bands you have probably never heard of before. Just like the endless type of beer, craft beer’s have to offer so does this girls interests. The Craft Beer Cutie might come off a little snooty and maybe entitled, but just keep those high ABV (Alcohol By Volume) beers flowing and she is bound to loosen up. Boys if you like a challenge this is your kinda gal! They can always be spotted in all black, borderline silly haircut, and usually a decent pair of black ankle boots.

The Heineken Hottie: The Heineken Hottie is the Unicorn of women. Chicks that dig Heineken usually are kind of cool with everything. Heineken is a nice mild beer, but still from a foreign land (Not just any foreign land, we are talking Amsterdam). She is the type of girl that knows a little bit about everything. So boys dont try to over impress her it wont get her in the sack! The Heineken Hottie is someone that can get down with the boys in a chugging contest(and will probably win), or even roll you an herbal cigarette(that makes your own hand rolled herbal cigarette look like a wet dogs tail). She is diverse in her interests and loves a good laugh. Boy’s the Heineken Hottie enjoys dirty jokes, a slick mouth, but a man with individual style. She can be spotted sporting a chic haircut, the perfect square frames on her face, perfect eyebrows, and always a killer statement outfit paired with the perfect lipstick. If you haven’t guessed by now I may possibly have just given away my own classification.. or did I?

The PBR Party Girl: Good ole Pabst Blue Ribbon, Milwaukee’s finest. PBR usually costs $3.00 at a bar, so guys you’re already at a great start. The PBR Party Girl will always be the first one to do a keg stand in a mini skirt, the first girl to volunteer at a Beer Pong Tournament, and usually forever the first girl throwing up on her BFF’s TOM’s. Men proceed with caution, the PBR Party Girl might also be the first girl to instigate a fight at the bar, or even start drunk Snap Chatting videos involving you. The PBR Party girl is fun, but dangerous so just tread lightly. You can always spot them at the local bars (because they rarely leave their comfort zone) wearing whatever shows more than enough boob, usually has strange questionable piercings and tattoos, and she smells like a mixture of every cheap Victoria Secret perfume with a slight tinge of vomit. The PBR Party Girl is your sure fire entry to a one night stand but just remember one night of fun could cost you six months of receiving desperate drunk text messages.

Boys I think I have set you some decent ground work for picking the right lady, I hope my classifications help and you spend your time with the right babe at the bar!

TGIF my wonderfully fabulous readers! The week is finally coming to a close and now I can finally get down to business. For me business includes solid jams, strong cocktails, hearty laughs, graceful social faux-pas, and the occasional stumbles out of the club. But none of this can be executed and achieved without the art of The Pre-Game. Dear reader do not be fooled, but the pre-game should be held even more sacred than the main event. The Pre-Game Playbook goes as follows:

1. Location Location Location:Make sure when selecting your pre-game location, the environment is welcoming. You never really ever know who and how many will show up at a pre-game so you must anticipate the unknown. The location of your pre-game will set the tone for the night ahead. Always make sure the location allows for a little raucous rowdy time.

2. Appropriate Alcohol For The Outing: This suggestion is less about whether you’re the babe with the beer or the vodka vixen. It is more about where and what your main event holds for the evening. Perfect example; if you are anticipating a house party after your pre-game then I would recommend copious amounts of Fireball shots and no mixed drinks. Mixed drinks are more appropriate for before going out to a club or event. Shots are quick, painless, and straight to the point perfect for getting you amped for a house party. Mixed drinks are more of  smooth transition and loosen you up for a night filled with dancing and high energy at a club.

3. Stay hydrated: During your pregame keep in mind, for every alcoholic beverage you consume you should always drink one glass of water. Don’t try to substitute water with Gatorade because of the sugar and sodium content. If you choose to substitute Gatorade for water you will just end up with a major headache in the middle of your party. And everyone know’s it’s way more fun to have a headache the morning after.

4. Music must be on fleek: The music that will be pumping through your pre-game will set the entire mood for your night. Make sure it stays high energy and care free. Like many social groups everyone has their set of pre-game music snobs that will always try to change whatever you are playing. To avoid this from happening at your pre-game always throw in some Kanye, Passion Pit, Lana Del Rey, Kendrick Lamar, and of course The Strokes. Or of if you don’t give a shit about satisfying the music snobs, just throw a password on your laptop and close the lid.

5. Excuse me BYOB: Make sure in your group texting shenanigans prior to your pre-game the host clearly states the BYOB policy. It isn’t the job of the host to provide all of the alcohol and as friends it is always decent and expected to pitch in. If you forget to provide liquor for the pre-game, etiquette states that you always provide for the main event.

6. DD or no dice: Before the pre-game even happens everyone needs to figure out who the DD will be. Obviously the DD should be rotated for different events, but still must be identified. Once everyone figures out who the DD is, then party on. If there is no DD, have no fear Uber is just a phone call away.

Everyone enjoy your Friday, Stay safe, and I hope your pre-game is footloose and fancy free!

Happy Hump-Day ladies and gents. It’s finally Wednesday and you know exactly what that means…We are half way through the tumultuous work week. I thought today would be the perfect day to release a special mix that was created just for me and my blog. I must admit I am more than lucky to have extraordinarily talented friends and they have taken it upon themselves to create mixes once a week for Alexis Lee Problems.

Here is a taste of Trauma Music, a group of three very talented young men that are constantly pushing the envelope with their creative custom beats, and cutting edge mixes. The talented triad consist’s of Carlos Marquez, Gio Ballarales Suarez, and Andres Aleman. I am also very fortunate to call these boy’s three of my best friends.

These boys are not only just my closest friends but they are my festival crew. Now if you’re from Miami you know just how prevalent EDM (Electric Dance Music) is in our local culture. We are the home to Ultra Music Festival which is the largest EDM festival in the nation. Florida also hosts festivals such as Sunset Music Festival, Electric Daisy Carnival, and Life In Color. I have the pleasure to say that I have attended, raged, and partied at every single one of these festivals with Trauma Music. Trauma and I have always supported each other in every venture we have encountered. Not only does Trauma inspire me to write and be an individual, but apparently I have inspired them. I hope to attend many more festivals with them, and continue collaborating on projects such as the one you are about to hear! So with that being said, I hope this mix gets you through the rest of the week!

Everyone can follow them and download tracks on: https://soundcloud.com/musictrauma

Ladies today is all about you. Now all of us bitches have our ride or die clique of chicks, but there is always the auxiliary girl group. You know those girls you aren’t super duper close with or keen on but you equally try to respect them, not step on their toes, or of course not accidentallty make-out with their boyfriends. With that being said brings the good old use of Girl Code.

We are all girls, and all come with a Louis Vuitton tote filled with gossip, drama, boy, lies, over exaggerations, self indulgences, self obsession, and of course coniving tricks. Now some girls might be reading this and getting awfully upset, but look in the mirror ladies…I promise, you are guilty of at least three things I have listed. Now here comes the tricky part…

As I mentioned prior all girls have their auxiliary group of girlfriends. That is usually the most necessary scenario in which Girl Code gets applied. Obviously when concerning your Ride Or Die girls, Girl Code is always being used and applied because it comes second nature. You always want to assist, help, and above all protect your girls.

The Alexis Lee definition of Girl Code goes as follows:

1. If I didn’t see it with my own two eyes it didn’t happen

2. Even if I did see something happen…I still have no idea what you are talking about

3. Do not begin to think for one second you can ask me about my friends and their relationships with other guys, because I just simply have no idea what your talking about

4. Never let a man talk about one of your girlfriends while she isn’t present. Unless its to say how smart, pretty, and wonderful she is. In that case let the good times roll.

5. If anyone is speaking or sharing malice via social networks, group texts, or word of mouth, SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN IMMEDIATELY. We are talking about your friends here, whether close clique or auxiliary clique. We are all girls and all go through the same struggles, do not ever be apart of the problem. Keep things to yourself and dont let bad exit the mouths of others.

6. If your friend and another girl are in the same place at the same time and the other girl is spotted wearing the same outfit as your friend you must immediately notify your friend and quietly vacate the premises. God forbid something like that gets spotted on Instagram…

6. NEVER EVER let your friend out of the house with bad eyebrows EVER.

7. The last rule is to always guide your girlfriends through situations as a stealth bomber. Never let your girlfriend make a fool of herself. Always handle situations with secrecy and poise. No one should ever see your girlfriends fret or sweat, it is your job as a friend to hold it together.

Now with all of those basic things stated; please ladies carry them out with class and grace. And to that auxiliary group of girlfriends these rules apply to you as well. Even if you aren’t deeply imbedded into my social life, respect and love should always be shared between girls. We must kill our caddy, shit talking, bullshit reputations by following the rules. Lets stop being apart of the problem and start helping each other.

Oh yeah I forgot one really important rule, rule number 8…

8. If your friend isn’t sitting in the cell next to you, then they aren’t your friend <3

Happy Thirsty Thursday everyone, may your cocktail stay full and may whoever be on your arm be obnoxiously attractive. Thursday also means that tonight is Ladies Night. There really is nothing better than Ladies Night. Girls drink for free and guys have more than a decent selection of girls to pick from. It truly is a win win situation for all parties involved. But Ladies Night is a treacherous playing field. There are strategies that will most effectively get you drunk and assure you and your crew the perfect night out. Just follow my lead and your glass shall never be empty!

Step One: Find optimum seating at the bar. Always pick a table near the bartender prep station. The reason for doing that is because the servers are constantly hovering over that area waiting for drink orders. By sitting closest to the prep station you are one step ahead of the game on your refills and promised fresh not watered down cocktails.

Step Two: Tip your server prior to being served. As a girl on Ladies Night all of your drinks will be free. Since your drinks wont cost anything this evening, the second you sit down hand your server $25. The moment that exchange is made your server is motivated to bring your drinks out faster and usually they will be poured heavier (who doesn’t like a heavy pour? I know I do) . Handing the money over at first also will make you look and feel like a baller…and I mean come on who doesn’t like feeling like a baller?

Step Three: Always order some munchies. Now no one likes a sloppy drunk girl, (and if you do like sloppy drunk girls you might have some mommy issues you need to work out) and that can be avoided. After your third cocktail you should always put an order in for an appetizer. That doesn’t mean you have to eat the whole thing, but keep a steady munch going to deter you from blowing chunks in the back of  your best friends car (trust me I know what I’m talking about I am always THAT FRIEND).

Step Four: Be friendly! There is nothing more annoying than being the closed off unapproachable group of chicks. Always pick a table that has a couple extra seats. This leaves an open invitation for people to stop by your table and chat. You never know who you’ll see or meet, so why the fuck not. And even if you don’t meet your prince charming, or your perfect one night romp, I can 100% promise you and your best friends will have plenty of stories to group text about in the morning.

Step Five: For every two girls you are with make sure you bring at least one guy. The reason for this ratio is as follows; when there is a large group of girls and no guys thats kind of a signal to every obnoxious single guy in the bar to come over with all of his single obnoxious friends and disturb your party aura. With a couple of your closest guy friends in tow it shows that you and your girlfriends aren’t desperate for attention. It is also handy to have some familiar men around just in case things get ugly (you never know when you might need some muscles to smooth over a situation). There is also nothing wrong with providing your own eye candy!

Step Six: Always have a DD. Step six goes without question. Always treat your DD better than anyone your with because they sacrificed their own Ladies Night so you can get shit faced. It’s proper party etiquette to pay for your DD’s late night munchies.

With these strategies I can guarantee you the perfect Ladies Night, trust me I’m a professional.

So I thought for our second entry We should get right down to the good stuff. Comparing men to shoes sounds a little bit ridiculous but if you give me a minute I think you’ll totally understand. Now I’m sure you ladies have more than enough shoes, but what you have yet to survey is the amount of ex lovers you have accumulated in your lifespan. Now I am almost one hundred percent sure you didn’t realize that both of these categories and numbers really vibe with each other.

Let’s break it down:
1)Every girl has their favorite pair of Saturday night night heels. Those are the pair that the moment they are eased onto your foot you immediately feel unstoppable, your ass seems higher up, and your legs are toned with every step. But wait…three hours have passed and the back of your heels are bleeding and your hobbling around the club. Your vehemently cursing under your breath, expressing every moment of discomfort and knowing this shit won’t be over until the night is done.
A) I like to compare these shoes to that really gorgeous guy you dated who looked so perfect next to you that you almost thought you guys enhanced each other’s good looks. But after a couple of months no matter how gorgeous he was he was dumber than a box of rocks and you couldn’t get passed the vapid hole that was your relationship. Running for the nearest exit seems to be the only option. Both shoe and man are gorgeous to look at but uncomfortable and dangerous to be around.
2) Now our second pair are those edgy studded combat boots YOU HAD TO HAVE LAST YEAR NO MATTER FUCKING WHAT. These are the pair that every time worn around your parents earn a hearty eye roll and the constant “Did you really think spending that much money on shoes that ridiculous was a good decision?”. You just slap that sly smile on your face and continue about your business with that colossal size chip on your shoulder reaffirming how bad you pissed of your parents off.
B) The boots definitely represent my all time favorite that will never let you down…drum roll please…The Bad Boy. Every girl has a bad boy in their past (hopefully none locked up in their closet, because that would just be weird). This is the guy that every time you would get picked up on your dates and you hopped in the front seat of their supped up sports car (or sometimes on the back of their motorcycle…but that’s another story for another day) your mother and father said an extra little prayer. The boy you smoked pot with on your roof while listening to Led Zeppelin. The guy where anything was possible and nothing was legal. Well every thing has their stay power and yes these guys are a shit ton of fun…but just like them you get older and wiser and figure out that a 25 maybe being with a guy that has more ink on their body than the amount of ink used to write Pride and Prejudice just isn’t cute anymore.
3) Now we come to our handy dandy black ballet flats. They are sensible, comfortable, and match with every outfit in your wardrobe. But the flat just like everything else has their draw backs. Your flats are lack luster, they don’t really make your ass look any tighter or rounder, and to be honest they are just boring. You keep them forever though because they are dependable and are always there to fall back on no matter what your going to wear.
C) We now come to the last ex boyfriend. The guy who always treated you well, was sweet to your mom, and did all the right things. So you ask why did he end up on the taboo list of exes? This guy ended up there because there was no dynamic pop. No fireworks, no passion, just really nothing that made you feel electric. But this is the guy that is still your friend and you still love dearly. The elusive only ex that can be your friend. When you find this guy always keep him in your right corner ladies because like your black flats, you never know when you need them again.

Well ladies and gents, every woman needs their shoes; but more than anything every woman needs their laundry list of men for those lonely weekends that new guys kind of just aren’t around for all the time. And just like your shoe closet you must keep the exes close, well organized, and never let them get dusty.

Technically this all was birthed a year ago, this blog you’re about to experience. Now I had a whole pre-written, witty, and nothing less than adorable first entry. But as I went on my afternoon workout today which was just going to be walking.  I began to run, I’m not talking about a cute bouncy jog…I mean a fucking race. I started running like my whole entire life depended on how fast and far I could go. It dawned on me that I was racing violently to this post right here and right now. We are all racing, running, tearing away from something; obviously we are running away from our problems. We all have problems; relationship issues, hardships between friends, deciding how far in advance to going clubbing should you begin your pregame, to wondering if last nights one night stand will ever call you again, to accidentally super gluing your hand to your desk. As humans we are all just basically full of shit and trying to make it out alive. If you choose to continue to read through this adventure of being me, I hope you laugh, cry, learn and feel (but don’t cry so much because it makes me totally uncomfortable). So let’s take a shot to getting real and staying real. Let’s uncover some fucked up shit together, share a few laughs and toast to the goodlife. These are Alexis-Lee Problems; I hope you enjoy this fucked up adventure we are about to embark on together.