Alexis Lee

So, first order of business on this chilly Tuesday is wishing my blog a happy 1st birthday! A year ago today we all embarked on this journey, and man has it been an incredible first year. Thanks to everyone who reads Alexis Lee Problems and shares it!

Today’s topic is something that I think I have been dealing with a little more than usual lately. I don’t really like to categorize myself as a “bad girl”, but lets get real I’m certainly not a “good girl”. With that being said as I get older I notice how much effort it takes to be bad. Drinking constantly, always trying to be the center of attention, pushing the envelope every chance I get…all of this tends to be exhausting. Besides how much effort it takes to be bad, I have also noticed that you can meet certain people that make you want to change your ways.

Yes, clearly growing up has something to do with not really wanting to act like a wild animal anymore. But I also think that people enter your life that make you wanna do good and be better. I personally have recently felt the desire to let some of my old ways fade due to some new humans in my life. I think this type of growth is good, but I also think you can’t totally let your wild self lay completely dormant. Being edgy is who I am, it’s something that has always helped me identify with myself. Your edge doesn’t have to be translated into terrible behavior though. Let your thoughts and talking points have the edge, and start removing it from your behavior. I have noticed that I much prefer to indulge in meaningful conversation as opposed to indulging in binge partying. I also seem to be avoiding certain social settings so that I won’t be tempted to wild’ out.

Growing up doesn’t mean you trade in your stilettos for a pair of orthopedic sneakers. Growing up just means that maybe the heel’s gotta shorten a bit. You catch so many more flies with honey than you do with vodka and a nasty attitude. Every since I have centered myself a bit more and calmed down my partying, people actually want to spend time with me in more personal settings. Yes my wit is still sharp and my tongue does house its special form of venom, but it doesn’t mean I have to always show that side of myself. I still like to turn up, but I just think the “bad girl” in me had to turn down. I found my actions as a “bad girl” were much louder than my good intentions. My hair is still wild, my lipstick is still dark, and my cleavage will always be on display; but now what comes out of my mouth is well thought out and meaningful. Your look doesn’t have to suffer from being less wild, but your good intentions should always be able to shine through.

Sometimes you look in the mirror and see someone you wouldn’t even be friends with and that is what happened to me. I would like to think that I am now someone who I would like to spend time with. At the end of the day you just have to be exactly who you are, but it’s okay to turn the volume down on your loud traits. Just remember no matter how bad you are, you can always harness some sweetness you never knew you had.

Beards, beards, and beards; some girls might be into a guys smile, his hands, or maybe his muscles…not me. I like to pride myself on liking guys for their sense of humor, cunning wit, and intellect. But like all other girl’s there is one physical attribute in men that makes me weak in the knees, and that my friends is a beard. Nothing says “I’m a man” more than having thick, bountiful, and luxurious facial hair. Today I would like to share some insights in what a mans beard tells me about him before he even opens his mouth to talk to me. Yes this is very superficial and I like to stay away from superficial, but what can I say beards just do it for me!

The Beard Breakdown 

1. The more manicured the beard the more high maintenance he is. If a guys beard is perfectly shaved and oiled that means his grooming regiment is long and arduous. As a lady who has dated many a bearded fellow I know exactly how much time and dedication beard maintenance takes. So the more manicured the man is the more time he takes to get ready. I would personally take a Seth Rogen beard over a well cropped and manicured Adam Levine beard any day.
2. Get a Whiff of the face. Since I am from Miami it is customary to kiss on the cheek as an initial greeting. I always like to use that opportunity as a “sniff test” if you will. You all might think this is creepy, but let’s face it sometimes (if not most of the time) I’m a creep. So while this sniff test is going down if you pick up a floral clean scent, this is a good sign. This means he shampoos and condition his beard, thumbs up for good hygiene! If you go in for the cheek kiss and you get a whiff of pizza…well then you can make your own judgement call on that one. I love pizza to death but I’m not so keen on making out with it.
3. Patches aren’t just for clothing with holes! Patchy beard growth is not something you can hold against a man. Guy’s can’t control their beard growth patterns, so with that being said if a guy has a few bald spots up in there give him a pass on it. At least the bulk of the beard is there and thats what matters. Plus Jude Law has a patchy beard and he’s a stone cold fox regardless.
4. If it touches his chest, he means business. One of my personal favorite beards is the full chest touching type of beard. If the beard can touch his chest it means he is dedicated to the growth of it. Usually these types of beard take a long time to grow, a lot of time to maintain, and constant combing. These beards are frequently paired with a small mustache, so ladies if you don’t mind a little tickle (I just read what I wrote out loud and grossed myself out) this is the type of bearded man for you.
5. The more straggly the beard, the better he is with his hands. The long straggly beard is my absolute favorite. These guys usually don’t care so much for the style of the beard but the purpose of having one. The long and straggly is for your outdoorsy guy. A guy who grows this type of beard is concerned with warmth and slowing down the weathering process on his face. Most men I have met that have the long and straggly are also really good with their hands, from building you a fire outside and maybe also building fires elsewhere 😉 . Leonardo DiCaprio circa The Revenant has the perfect long and straggly (but let’s keep it real everything about him is perfect)if you need a visual of perfection.
6. Cropped close and clean. The cropped and clean beard is exactly what it sounds like. The hair is just peppered around the face and shaved down to almost a shadow with perfect angels and lines. This type of guy likes to keep it cool and is usually using the beard for more of a stylish expression. The cropped close tells a girl that their barber handles their facial hair grooming, as opposed to a guy doing it himself. This style can vary from a very well kept five o’ clock shadow to a nice chin strap. Bradley Cooper and Brad Pitt are the best wearers of the cropped close beard in my opinion.

Maybe this breakdown will help you ladies figure out what kind of bearded babe you want to get a little closer too!

Man, it feels good to be back! Let me fill you guys in on why I was absent for as long as I was. Things on my side of town got really real very quick. So, my mom went in for a scheduled Spinal Fusion surgery…this is where our story begins. Yes the surgery was a huge deal and very scary, but it was planned and we were all ready to be there for my mom. But us being Fellner’s nothing really goes to plan, does it? The surgery went really well, they were able to put enough rods, screws, and spacers in her spine so that she could compete in the next Mrs. Frankenstein Competition. She spent a couple nights in the hospital to recuperate and keep her higher than Hendrix at Woodstock.

The trouble started when we brought her home. She wasn’t even home for a total of 48 hours when she found herself right back in the ER (also let me mention this specific hospital is an hour away from where we live). It appeared that my mom had contracted a Staph Infection. Apparently the sight of the initial surgery is where the Staph Infection originated, and what do you know my mom found herself back in the hospital for another week. They eventually sent her home, but there is always a catch. On top of all of her new hardware given to her from the Spinal Fusion surgery, they also gave her something called a Picc Line. A Picc Line is a direct port into a patients blood stream that channels IV medication through the blood and directly to the heart. So, as a family (my dad and I) we give her three bags of IV medication a day through the Picc Line. This will be going on until the beginning of February.

With all of that being said, that is why I haven’t been posting on Alexis Lee Problems as of recent. I just wanted to let all of you know what I was going through, and that I didn’t forget about the blog. Sometimes in life you need to put your desires and productivity aside in the name of family. During this trying time I have learned that I have some really incredible friends. Whether its delivering me chocolate on Chanukah because we weren’t able to celebrate this year (thanks MC, Love you brother) or taking me to the movies for a couple hours to get my mind off reality. Everyone of my family members has also put their lives on hold to make sure that my dad and I are healthy and well fed (love you Auntie). I just want to thank everyone who has been there for us this past couple of months and let you know how much we love and appreciate you! My mom is now recovering nicely and is very comfortable at home. She really wont be able to do much until February, but her health is what matters right now above all else.

With all of that mushy stuff out of the way, Alexis Lee Problems is back online and new posts will be coming to you once again!

Dear Fabulous, Gorgeous, Handsome, Sexy, Socially Awkward, Good Humored Readers,

Being that it is the week of Thanksgiving I wanted this post to be a little love letter from me to you. I am constantly so very overwhelmed with the support I receive from all of you every single day. Around this time last year Alexisleeproblems.com didn’t exist, it was nothing more than a dream. Something I discussed in private for many years with my inner circle. Alexis Lee Problems lived in my head for so long by itself…and then we found you guys. Alexis Lee Problems and I found readers, we found supporters, we unmask enemies, we read hate mail, we cry together, and we share together. What I am trying to say is we are all Alexis Lee Problems. Without my friends, readers, and supporters (BTW I consider all of you as one) this would still just be a hair brained dream living in my head. I am just so dumbfounded and smitten by all of the love and confidence to continue writing you all have given me. As I have mentioned a hundred times; I didn’t graduate college, I’ve hustled odd jobs since the age of 14, and I kind of like to think of my life as a high class suburban struggle. Having Alexis Lee Problems in my life has turned that high class struggle into a battle that I love fighting every single day. But, without my readers this would just be nothing; and for that, I can’t ever thank any of you enough. I also would like to thank every single person that told me I couldn’t do this, because there have been more of you than I would like to admit. All of the negative energy thrown at me in this past year I have converted into fuel. Fuel to succeed and produce the articles that you all enjoy. So to all those Haterade sippin’ fools thanks for making sure I was pushed hard enough to prove all your sorry asses wrong. While we are on the topic of me being thankful for all of the nay sayers, I would also like to thank every mother fucker that ever did me wrong in the past. Without pain and suffering this blog would be fluffy (we all know I prefer leather over fluff) and uninteresting. I have a way of flipping my misfortune with the opposite sex into funny fodder for all of you to read. That within itself is the biggest gift for my sanity. Without the stage my readers provide I would have no way of coping with 26 years of bizarre heartbreak (I can even admit my love life is more dramatic than a Shakespearean Play) So thanks Fuccbois this just wouldn’t be possible without any of you. Bottom line here is I am just so in love with all of you. My writing has gotten better due to me listening to criticism, my skin has grown tougher because of the hate mail I receive, and yes my ego which loves to be inflated is pleasantly gorged at the moment. So let’s keep having a ball and not following the rules, because let’s face it we won’t look this good forever.

Love Always and Forever,

Alexis-Lee

xxx

Happy Thirsty Thursday Love Bugs! I hope everyone is getting through this week with ease and speed. I found myself very anxious since this week started. I don’t know if it’s pressure to come up with new material for the blog, boy drama (BTW it’s always boy drama), or just planning for a bunch of trips I have coming up. But one thing is for sure, I have been a little more anxiety ridden than usual. I kind of live my life in a nervous state to being with.

My dad has always called it Duck Syndrome. When a duck is seen swimming in the water it appears to be gliding with complete elegance and grace. What you don’t see with the naked eye is what is going on beneath the waters surface. A duck is constantly manically beating its webbed feet below the surface just to keep that cool facade going above the water. This is exactly how I’ve been feeling this week.

So, me being someone who likes to self solve their issues picked up one of my favorite coping mechanisms. When I am feeling anxious and cannot seem to find the source of my troubles, I pick up a coloring book and take it from there. Adult Coloring Books have made a huge splash on the scene as of lately and are sold everywhere. You can find them in Michaels, Barnes & Nobles, Amazon, etc. I wanted to share this anxiety relieving tool with you guys because it helps me so much. About a year ago my aunt (who is actually an artist and my best friend in the universe) turned me on to Adult Coloring Books and I never looked back. Luckily my friends noticed how much I enjoy them, and I got a bunch of new ones for my birthday that passed last week. There is no better way to zone out and quiet the mind than coloring. Why do you think our parents used to shut us up with coloring books in restaurants? We might just get older but the science is still the same!

When your hands are idle its never good, add some anxiety to that mix and let’s just put it this way…it ain’t pretty.  As most of you know I am a cigarette smoker, when I am anxious my cigarette intake increases and that just isn’t good. I have noticed that once I pick up the colored pencils and coloring book my wanting need for a cigarette seems to taper off. I know we all have certain vices that we use to cope with stress and that is why I wanted to share my coloring book secret with you guys! When you are feeling anxious and nervous just place the wine glass down, put the cigarette out, slowly lift your foot off the gas pedal. Walk over to your crayons and coloring book and kick it like its 1995. Coloring isn’t just for the keeping the kid alive inside of you, it’s also to keep the psycho adult being birthed within you, in check.

Hello wonderful readers of Alexis Lee Problems!!! My vacation is officially over and I feel well rested and more than inspired. I happily celebrated my 26th birthday on Saturday (Let’s be real I have been celebrating this birthday for the past week). Now it’s back to business, so with that being said I would like to share with you all how its really feels to be 26!

The 26 Feels:

1. Shaking your ass in the club is still cool, but you might just throw your hip out if your not too careful
2. Sleeping until 11:00 AM is acceptable as long as you’re okay with people low key telling you, you are lazy
3. You are 26 now…eyeliner and lipgloss by itself is no longer enough. Buy some Foundation and Tinted Moisturizer it will help you “adult” better
4. You can still order a cheeseburger at a restaurant but you’re gonna get stared at while you eat the bun and fries
5. Join a workout class, it will give you a false sense of structure
6. If you still reread your Harry Potter books, do it in private
7. It is totally okay to tell people you are 25 (maybe it isn’t, but it makes me feel better)
8. Stop putting cream in your coffee, A mature bitch with a black coffee is intimidating
9. Listen to advice, don’t just let it roll off your back; suffering is so 25
10. Smile more, its not cute/cool to be a sour pants
11. Think before you do. You can only be a stupid ass for so long, it goes from endearing to obnoxious real quick
12. Embrace the art of brunch. Waking up early to eat good food is a great feeling, stop sleeping in and enjoy your day
13. Sometimes your inner circle has to shrink and your Netflix Queue grows
14. Trade your Liquid Cocaine Shot in for a shot of Whiskey
15. Pay attention to your surroundings, being oblivious isn’t okay after a certain age
16. Pick up a hobby (yes, I do consider indoor tanning a viable hobby)
17. Get yourself a pet. It’s the quickest way to teach yourself how to not be a selfish asshole
18. Try making dinner reservations instead of just walking into a place. Reservations give you a sense of purpose and help with your social sense of urgency
19. Drinking is for the weekends, work is for the week days
20. Switch from Delivery to Take-Out
21. Get a facial once a month, no one likes a girl with big pores
22. Staying in does not make you a loser, it makes you someone who enjoys being well rested
23. If you have nothing nice to say, keep your goddamn mouth shut (This goes for all ages, but if you don’t have it figured out by 26 keep trying)
24. Don’t let others be in charge of your happiness
25. The past is the past, leave it there
26. No matter what age you are, stay real, be you, and just keep getting better

For this post Alexis Lee Problems is going right back to its roots…problems. I have recently come to a conclusion I never ever thought I would come to. I am someone that no matter what happens with an ex-boyfriend I always try and stay friendly with them. I am not a fan of holding grudges, I mean why let someone live rent free in your head? So, I make a very valiant effort to put bad blood to the side and make sure I can have a cordial relationship with my ex. But, after certain events that have transpired over the past week I have an entire new mindset.

The only way I can now look at a relationship that has ended, is with the comparison of warring countries. For a long time you pledge your allegiance to one person and create a bond together. You start to believe in each others ideals, life secrets are shared, and sooner than you know it your current partner becomes an extension of who you are. With that being said once this alliance has played out its natural course, what exactly are you left with? I was used to being left with a mutual respect for my former alliance and partnership, but not everyone is like me.

Lets get real this is what you are left with:

1. By remaining close with an ex you are left with this lingering feeling of allegiance to them.
2. In the back of your head all you can do is think of is how yours or their actions will effect each other.
3. Excuses, you are left with hundreds of thousands of excuses you use over and over again. Your friends don’t understand the “situation” you have with your ex, so you become an idiot spewing excuses to them about how its “okay” and “fine”.
4. You are left with little to no self respect. Your ex takes that away once they violate the privacy you have always found within them. All of the secrets, private moments, life changing times; good chance is your ex went around and told the wrong people all about you.
5. 1-800 Hotline Bling. You wait every night for that phone call. Praying to god your ex misses you and wants to spend that late night time with you. You are left with wasting countless nights of cutting your evenings short just to have the chance to see them.

I don’t know about you guys, but these are not things I’m comfortable with being left with. With all of that being said it’s time to open our eyes up to the passive aggressive bullshit our ex’s put us through. I am no longer okay with being someones secret side dish. I also will never let someone own me or my sexuality; you know why because it’s mine. From here on out let’s treat these instances like war, because that’s exactly what it is. Maybe everyone looses at the end of a war but at least a good fight was put up and you can walk away knowing you fought for who you are.

My life is mine, my secrets are mine, my sexual cravings are mine, my business is mine; not yours. So to everyone that ever used my privacy as ammunition your loss; I am taking me back. No longer will I be afraid or threatened. I will do whatever I like when I like to. I will write whatever I want, and I will do all of this for me and no one else. Just remember when going into war, there are casualties, people will lie, others will get hurt in response to those lies; but the fight is worth it. Once you are set free from the shackles of someone else you can own who you are again.

For years I stared at myself in the mirror and wasn’t totally sure of who or what I was looking at, but those days are over. I am a strong independent person who owns their actions and reactions, and I will continue to be that girl. Ex’s tend to rob you of the things that are your essence. I mean why wouldn’t they take away the best parts of you? It is never to late to reclaim those things and be exactly who you always were. Sometimes it just takes some blood, guts, tears, war, and truth to find who you are again. Once you find that person again never let them go and never let them forget what they went through to reappear back in that mirror. You might think the choice in photograph for this post was interesting, but I wanted to make it clear this is the last time I’ll ever be looking back at you.

A week has gone by without posting due to technical updates, but oh man does it feel good to be back. A lot has happened to me in the past week of my absence from my beloved Alexis Lee Problems. Times are changing and opportunities are being born at every corner. Yes, I am still the same cynical, night life loving party girl, but I think life may be getting more serious.

As I unload all of my tips, funny anecdotes, and trail blazing insights on this blog I never really thought people would read it and want to hire me for my writing. Well how wrong I was, recently I have been courted by a few paying writing jobs. I always thought writing for pay was selling out, leaving my hardcore edge in the dust, compromising who I am as a writer to satisfy “the man”. How wrong I was…Getting paid to do what you love isn’t selling out. It is knowing that you and your craft are worth something and desired. It’s basically being voted Prom Queen every time someone choses to use your talents.

Sometimes you need to take a large step out of your comfort zone to learn and to grow. Whether you are being hired to write for a publication, or someone is paying you for the art you craft, or just landing a new job in general. We need to embrace changes that come upon our horizons and expand them to the best of our abilities. It is not easy being young and trying to get your name out there. We need to take advantage of all the wonderful new things that appear in our paths. The ones who claim us as sellouts are just not the ones who are working to their brightest potential. Stop paying attention to the people next you, and start focusing on  your own work. The more we all embrace fresh starts and new business ventures will be the beginning of a fruitful existence.

I know that I love writing, and after this past week I know that others have seen my potential. With that being said I will take my career to new heights. I will accept any job that comes my way and do it in stride and to the best of my abilities. Just remember we all have talents and wonderful qualities about ourselves, so don’t ever short change your craft. You never know when someone will call you with your next big gig, its just up to you to start fresh and blaze a trail of your own for potential greatness.