“Oh no thanks I don’t really drink beer”, said every girl ever. Now you and I both know that’s a load of shit. Take it from a babe who is never bashful to grab a brew, or two, or seven. Most girls like to pretend that they are watching their Ultra figure, or their CrossFit schedule wont allow for a little backwoods bubbly. The truth is all babe’s dig beer, especially when you are in a party situation where it is the only libation being offered. So let’s get down to brass tacks, the beer a chick selects really says a lot about her personality and what she is all about. When it comes down to it are you sure you wanna get down with a Craft Beer Cutie or a Heineken Hottie. Lets break down a few different beer brands and see what is says exactly about the girl you’re going to take home tonight!
The Budweiser Babe: Budweiser is a classic good default kind of beer…just like the girl who selects it. Your Budweiser Babe probably appreciates Kenny Chesney, getting lost at the Tortuga music festival, and long walks with her Labrador. You can always find her in a cute flannel top tied up to view a probably more than pleasing midriff, paired with the perfect pair of jean shorts. Budweiser will always be there, and so will she. This girl is most likely just as loyal as the brand of brew she picked. Budweiser Babe’s are also into getting dirty, so if you dig cars, motorcycles, and mudding you may have met your match.
The Craft Beer Cutie: IPA, single malt, triple distilled, white wheat…I mean seriously the options are endless. The Craft Beer Cutie is the kind of girl who digs writing, music, making fun of others, ironic T-Shirts, and bands you have probably never heard of before. Just like the endless type of beer, craft beer’s have to offer so does this girls interests. The Craft Beer Cutie might come off a little snooty and maybe entitled, but just keep those high ABV (Alcohol By Volume) beers flowing and she is bound to loosen up. Boys if you like a challenge this is your kinda gal! They can always be spotted in all black, borderline silly haircut, and usually a decent pair of black ankle boots.
The Heineken Hottie: The Heineken Hottie is the Unicorn of women. Chicks that dig Heineken usually are kind of cool with everything. Heineken is a nice mild beer, but still from a foreign land (Not just any foreign land, we are talking Amsterdam). She is the type of girl that knows a little bit about everything. So boys dont try to over impress her it wont get her in the sack! The Heineken Hottie is someone that can get down with the boys in a chugging contest(and will probably win), or even roll you an herbal cigarette(that makes your own hand rolled herbal cigarette look like a wet dogs tail). She is diverse in her interests and loves a good laugh. Boy’s the Heineken Hottie enjoys dirty jokes, a slick mouth, but a man with individual style. She can be spotted sporting a chic haircut, the perfect square frames on her face, perfect eyebrows, and always a killer statement outfit paired with the perfect lipstick. If you haven’t guessed by now I may possibly have just given away my own classification.. or did I?
The PBR Party Girl: Good ole Pabst Blue Ribbon, Milwaukee’s finest. PBR usually costs $3.00 at a bar, so guys you’re already at a great start. The PBR Party Girl will always be the first one to do a keg stand in a mini skirt, the first girl to volunteer at a Beer Pong Tournament, and usually forever the first girl throwing up on her BFF’s TOM’s. Men proceed with caution, the PBR Party Girl might also be the first girl to instigate a fight at the bar, or even start drunk Snap Chatting videos involving you. The PBR Party girl is fun, but dangerous so just tread lightly. You can always spot them at the local bars (because they rarely leave their comfort zone) wearing whatever shows more than enough boob, usually has strange questionable piercings and tattoos, and she smells like a mixture of every cheap Victoria Secret perfume with a slight tinge of vomit. The PBR Party Girl is your sure fire entry to a one night stand but just remember one night of fun could cost you six months of receiving desperate drunk text messages.
Boys I think I have set you some decent ground work for picking the right lady, I hope my classifications help and you spend your time with the right babe at the bar!