So, first order of business on this chilly Tuesday is wishing my blog a happy 1st birthday! A year ago today we all embarked on this journey, and man has it been an incredible first year. Thanks to everyone who reads Alexis Lee Problems and shares it!
Today’s topic is something that I think I have been dealing with a little more than usual lately. I don’t really like to categorize myself as a “bad girl”, but lets get real I’m certainly not a “good girl”. With that being said as I get older I notice how much effort it takes to be bad. Drinking constantly, always trying to be the center of attention, pushing the envelope every chance I get…all of this tends to be exhausting. Besides how much effort it takes to be bad, I have also noticed that you can meet certain people that make you want to change your ways.
Yes, clearly growing up has something to do with not really wanting to act like a wild animal anymore. But I also think that people enter your life that make you wanna do good and be better. I personally have recently felt the desire to let some of my old ways fade due to some new humans in my life. I think this type of growth is good, but I also think you can’t totally let your wild self lay completely dormant. Being edgy is who I am, it’s something that has always helped me identify with myself. Your edge doesn’t have to be translated into terrible behavior though. Let your thoughts and talking points have the edge, and start removing it from your behavior. I have noticed that I much prefer to indulge in meaningful conversation as opposed to indulging in binge partying. I also seem to be avoiding certain social settings so that I won’t be tempted to wild’ out.
Growing up doesn’t mean you trade in your stilettos for a pair of orthopedic sneakers. Growing up just means that maybe the heel’s gotta shorten a bit. You catch so many more flies with honey than you do with vodka and a nasty attitude. Every since I have centered myself a bit more and calmed down my partying, people actually want to spend time with me in more personal settings. Yes my wit is still sharp and my tongue does house its special form of venom, but it doesn’t mean I have to always show that side of myself. I still like to turn up, but I just think the “bad girl” in me had to turn down. I found my actions as a “bad girl” were much louder than my good intentions. My hair is still wild, my lipstick is still dark, and my cleavage will always be on display; but now what comes out of my mouth is well thought out and meaningful. Your look doesn’t have to suffer from being less wild, but your good intentions should always be able to shine through.
Sometimes you look in the mirror and see someone you wouldn’t even be friends with and that is what happened to me. I would like to think that I am now someone who I would like to spend time with. At the end of the day you just have to be exactly who you are, but it’s okay to turn the volume down on your loud traits. Just remember no matter how bad you are, you can always harness some sweetness you never knew you had.